I start off on a good note. Looking things up. Reading articles. Doing schoolwork. And then, all of a sudden, something happens. Like a shiny coin in the corner of a webpage, I see a link that takes me away from my original thought. I follow this link and begin reading other articles. Eventually, an hour later, I realize that I am off on a completely different track than where I began. So is the nature of the Internet. So much stuff, so little time. It would be nice to take it all in and get things accomplished, but I feel like only 30% of my time on the computer is productive. The Internet is the best place for a procrastinator. Even as I am in the middle of doing actual coding homework, I get side tracked and end up doing something other than what I began with. Is this so for others? Or am I just bad at keeping on task? Share with me. Tell me your thoughts…

Peace,
Chantale

It is almost time to select our next president. If you are not registered yet, please use this form to do so. We need to band together and keep moving forward.
Our country cannot afford four years of another Republican. We had eight years that got us to where we are and now that we are finally coming out of it, we need to keep going on this better path. Obama will get us further down the road to improvements in our economy while maintaining our rights. Romney, as surrogate for the right wing, crazy conservative, tea party influenced, Republican Party, will take away the rights of women through policies that harm EVERYONE!

Register and then get to the polls! It is your right, your privilege, and your duty to do so.

Peace,
Chantale (aka hippiegrrl)

this weekend i had a realization. no matter how old i am or how successful i become – no matter what trials i face in my life and what struggles i overcome – i will always be (to some people) just a girl. someone who is vulnerable and needs to be taken care of. someone who creates worry for others simply because of my gender. someone who is believed to be incapable of certain things because i don’t have the anatomy of a man. someone who does things the way a “girl” does. whatever that means. since i am female i would, ofcourse, do things “like a girl” but that should not mean that it is less than a boy.

you would think that since it is 2008 we would have gotten over the old way of looking at things, but i suppose that is not the case. there are some people that will always believe that women cannot do certain things. case in point – hillary clinton. after she conceded the election i heard a few rumblings from people about the fact that she probably would not have won anyway. this is a sad state of affairs. especially when you consider that her opponent (john mccain) is not the sharpest individual. in fact – he has even admitted that he does not know things that would be important for a president to know. ofcourse, he never puts it that way. his supporters like to call it “intellectual honesty” but it is really just bull crap. at least hillary clinton has actual intelligence and thankfully so does barack obama. hopefully the masses in our country will have learned the lesson of not electing someone who is actually stupid. we had 8 years of it and i do not think we could withstand another 4.

getting back to the girl issue – in honour of my realization – i am dedicating this entry to all the strong women in this world and especially to the girls that will become the strong women of the future. if we ever want to see a woman president we have to start to change minds. starting at home is the best place to do this mind changing, but if it cannot happen right away do not be deterred. changing hearts and minds is a difficult task that we must rise up together and work toward. if we do not do this now – we will continue to be “just girls”. if we do not stand up for ourselves the issues that affect us today will continue to worsen. wage equality will never be overcome. reproductive rights will be further eroded. gender discrimination will be allowed to stand as normal and right. the world will be a worse place for our children (especially the girls). visit one of the links below to join a cause. take a stand – many people believe that this is the only life we have to live so it is only right that we should be allowed to live it as equal to everyone.

peace, hippiegrrl

links for the feminist in each of us:

national organization for women (NOW)

code pink

lucy stone league

equality now

emily’s list

feminist majority foundation

9to5 – national association of working women

feministing

Back in the day, when I was in college the first time, I used to be able to work two part time jobs while I was studying. This was partly due to the major that I had chosen. See, even though I loved school, I didn’t really care about going to college. My mother was on my case about it and so I chose the easiest school to get in and the least difficult (for me at least) major. Playing instruments, singing, studying theory, practicing. These were all things that I had been doing since I was 3 years old. Some things (practicing for one) I did grudgingly. My mother had to set the oven timer to thirty minutes in order to keep me seated at the piano for at least that long. This would change in college where, when I was supposed to be practicing my singing, I would sit in the practice room for hours upon hours playing the piano. I guess it was a case of me wanting to do what I wanted to do. Per usual. Just like everything else in my life, if someone said I had to do something, I would choose to do something else. Music was not immune to this attitude.

Something I have come to find out in the past month is that no matter what, music is a saving grace for me. If I feel tired or sad or mad or agitated, I can sit at the piano, play a tune and feel better. It is really the best therapy. I inherited a piano from my maternal grandmother (Nana) that has brought many things to my abode. If I want to have a good cry, all I have to do is sit down at the piano and play “Blue Butterflies” and the waterworks start. I have been able to cry a little less with each rendition, but it still provides a release. I can think about how much I miss my Nana and Papa and the music gives me the push to let it go. After a good cry I like to sing a few tunes, usually of the operatic version, and this perks me up again. The piano also brings with it many memories of lessons (mine and other students) and holidays when the family would want me to play. Of days when I would visit and give in to or deny the request to play. It helps me to remember good times, but also times when I could have been quite a bit nicer. What is one song, really, in the grand scheme of things. Now I wish that I could play one more song on this piano, in the old house. And so it goes.

Music is like a drug. It can be an upper, downer, or maintainer. In college, it served as an escape. Forced rehearsals turned into wonderful occasions when the chorus sounded just right. When everyone was in tune and sounding glorious, it could truly lift ones mood. The addition of massive amounts of caffeine probably also had a lot to do with the up mood, but I am going to give music all the credit. Being in a show or chorus or band is an experience that everyone should be able to partake in at some point in their lives. It is cheaper than therapy and gives one the same outlet. In fact, it is sometimes even better, when you get to play out a “character” that is close to your own personality. Working out your issues on the stage is the ultimate in self absorption and whom but the self absorbed needs therapy? Try it, you will not be disappointed.

Peace,
Chantale

Appropriate links:

music therapy association
why music makes you happy
jamiroquai they always make me happy.

This week has been crazy. I began a new job and it has been somewhat overwhelming. I love it, but it is taking me some time to get up to speed. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not good with change or being behind the eight ball. I like to know everything about what I am doing and being “in training” is a very difficult place for me. Pushing through will prove to be rewarding but, in the meantime, it is somewhat disconcerting.

At the same time, mother’s day is hovering. All the commercials are about moms and how much they mean to us. Hallmark, teleflora, pampers, etc. all use the holiday as a marketing scheme. This is not a new phenomenon, but over the past four years this May holiday has become extra sad for me. I still have my mom, but the person whom I saw as a second mom has been gone for four years. It is hard to watch these commercials without getting emotional. And with all the changes, it is even worse. I am hoping that a couple days off from the training, a brunch with my parents and the writer, and some time spent in the library will help me get out of the funk.

One thing to look forward to is the end of the month, Memorial Day, holiday. My local drag club (go go gay rights) holds a white party on the Saturday night before the holiday and I will be there with my friends. Good times and a great way to end the month that started with much change (for the better, but still.)

This post may seem frivolous, compared to my usual banter, but I just felt like posting something about me and stuff that is happening in my life. The blog was down for a few days and this is a resurgence for me. Don’t fret… I will be getting back to the politics and human rights posting soon enough, but for now I will be enjoying the rest of May and hopefully everything will be on an upswing from here on out.

March On!
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

Troy: what happened to your normal clothes?
Michael: wow! Lelaina, look at you. You look…where’d you get that dress?
Lelaina: Oh, um… I don’t know. I just bought it. But I think I’m gonna go change because…
Michael: No, don’t. You look beautiful. You look like… You look like…
Troy: A doily.
Lelaina: I’m gonna change.
Michael: No, don’t change.
Troy: And don’t go thinking for yourself either, Lainie.

[scene from "Reality Bites", universal pictures, 1994]

The Art Linklater film “Slacker” has been considered the generation-x answer to “Easy Rider”. Although it is not a road movie, it most definitely defined (or redefined) a generation. If this is truly the case, then we must also consider the movie “Reality Bites” as a defining moment in cinema history for gen-x. Both movies depict a world in which the most intelligent and creative among us become lazy and complacent. In “Reality Bites” the main character, the valedictorian of her graduating class at university, ends up having to work a minimum wage job to be able to make ends meet. Her roommate, who has also completed university, works at the gap and their friend, who has only one class left to finish, would rather loaf on a couch than complete his degree. Philosophically, what is the point of the piece of paper? That is the question asked in these movies and, unfortunately, they were not just defining a generation, but also foreshadowing the future. Smart people with no direction.

How can we better understand our current circumstances through movie depictions of our generation. Of course, we are not characters in a movie, but some movies strike right at the heart of real, living, breathing, humans. The characters in “Reality Bites” are not 2-dimensional caricatures, but fully formed characters. People that we, off the screen, can actually relate to and maybe see in others of our generation. Generation-x, that is. Those of us between the hippies and the hipsters. Those of us born in the 70′s who have really tried to make this country work for us. We are the main demographic for advertising now and we actually have always been. We grew up with MTV, but had to work for our media. We are the generation that was raised with sound bites and short attention spans, but didn’t have ADHD diagnoses to blame for our problems in school or life. We were told to try harder, not take the easy way out by popping a pill. If we wanted to talk on the phone we had to dial a number, but we have also adapted to our current surroundings. Generation-x may be considered a lost generation, now, looking back, but we are still here. We carry with us all the debt the 80′s created and the disillusionment of the 90′s. We carry the weight of the baby boomers as they move into social security years and the burdens of the hipsters who steal away our chances at success in new media industries, even though we were on the forefront of those technologies.

An outcome of slackerdom, or simple complacency, is the pull to stay in one decade. For gen-x, that decade would be the 90′s and, believe me, I have that bug. I would love to wake up at noon each day, go to a coffeehouse, hang out and read a good book, walk back home, stopping along the way to pick up a few items for dinner, and then work, after dinner, on a book or a libretto or something creative that pays the bills. Writing this blog and getting paid for it. Making espresso and getting paid for it. Reading and writing and getting paid for it. But getting paid enough to afford the things I need and want, not scrounging. Back to the days of $1.13 gallons of gas and free meals, 29 cent stamps and Fiona Apple. Back to The Counting Crows and Jewel and Puff Daddy. When Kurt and Left Eye, Biggie and Aaliyah, Tupac and Layne were alive. Back in the day.

So how can we make the 90′s happen in the teens? First things first. Find a job that makes you happy. Never settle for doldrums. If you have to scrimp and save and scrounge for a bit to get to where you want to be professionally it will be more than worth it in the end. Working a job you hate just to pay the bills ends you up a bitter person with a sad life. You will look back and only see the paychecks, not good times. Once you are on the road to a better existence though work happiness everything will look sunnier. Each morning will be one that you want to rise to the occasion for, not a struggle to get out of bed.

Next – stop beating yourself up for the things that you have not done or may not do that others wish you would do. Your life is your own and if you do not live it the way you want you will be unhappy in the end. You are living for you, not anyone else, and you have to put your needs and wants first, not those of others. You cannot take care of others unless you take care of yourself first. You cannot love others unless you love yourself first. This includes having children. Children are a huge responsibility and if you are not personally ready to enter into the realm of parenthood it is never a good idea to move forward. Let go of the things that people say or request of you and move forward with what YOU want. Positivity and moving toward goals will bring you everything you really want in the end and the guilt of children not being in the equation has to be let go of in order to move forward. You only get one life so you should live it how you want and not how others think you should.

Finally – always make time to be creative. If you have a talent, use it. The spent doing the things you love will make you a better person. Time spent alone, concentrating on a creative outlet wil make you a stronger and more well rounded individual. Always keep your mind open to new things and do not dismiss the opinions of others. You do not have to agree, but you should at least listen. From one human to another, this is all we really want from each other. To be heard.

So, maybe being from gen-x is not the worst thing in the world. We have a good handle on the future, based on the past, and we are able to overcome obstacles. Environmental issues? No problem! We will reduce, reuse, and recycle like rock stars. Bad economy? Please! We will downsize until things bounce back. Need a new tech? Of course! We will be working on the future of the tech that was introduced to us as children, because that is what we do. We are problem solvers and we will not quit until we have found solutions for everything. Moving forward, making the future brighter, this is what we slackers are all about. Don’t think that slacker is a negative nickname. It is the fuel that we need to change the world. And, mark my words, we ost certainly will. We should embrace the titles that older generations have given to our generation. Coffeehouses and grunge music were the beginning of our enlightenment. Don’t worry, Eeyore can still be our gen-x mascot. We will just make the Eeyore in each of us see the future in a brighter light. Eeyore can still be a downer and a doer at the same time. It is possible to be a walking contradiction and nobody knows this better than those of us born between 1965 and 1980. Go go gen-x! Rock it out and leave the boomers and the millenials in your dust!

Peace and Happy Fixing!
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

Links apropos
so maybe the slackers had it right after all
how generation x got the shaft but can still keep everything from sucking
eeyore

“I’m a pixie, I’m a paper doll, I’m a cartoon” Ani Difranco

Music has always had an effect on me. It brings memories rushing to the surface, good and bad. When my iPod shuffles to an Ani D song that I have not heard in a while, most likely my thoughts will turn to Rochester, NY.

This past week, there was a flower show in the “flower city” and a few people that I follow on twitter were in attendance. In an attempt to make sure they enjoyed their visit, I suggested a few establishments to peruse while off from the show. Unfortunately, they were unable to visit these places, but I want to highlight them here, for future visitors to one of my favourite cities. Even though I retuned to Buffalo, NY, for work, I still miss Rochester and hope that the writer and I will be able to return some day and make our life work there.

In the meantime, we are only an hours drive away from some great restaurants, art galleries, film houses and cafes. Here is a sampling of some great places to see the next time you visit RaChaCha.

Those of you that know me probably figure that the first place I will talk about is Java’s on Gibbs. This is one of my favourite places to hang out while visiting, but the last time the writer and I were in town we found a place that I enjoyed even more, amazingly enough. That place was Boulder Coffee Company on Alexander Street. The atmosphere was very relaxing and the coffee was wonderful. I did not get that usual acidic reaction, like I do at Javas, where I have to quickly reach for my papaya tablets to fend of agita. I was able to drink the whole cup without incident and the sandwich was extra yum. I did not feel like I was in the way, as I usually do at Java’s, since the tables and chairs were set up in a good proximity to one another.

Let me stop for a moment to talk about this phenomenon of feeling “in the way”. This is something that women have to deal with, on a conscious or unconscious basis, daily. Men do not seem to have this issue, usually. This relates to the power dynamics that still persist in our society. Men are looked upon as being powerful, and this is normalized, by taking up as much space as they need and want. Women, for the most part, often strive to make themselves smaller. Either through the crossing of legs, the squeezing into girdles and spanx, or by not eating to become smaller mass-wise. These are ways in which women have had to live in order to not make a “spectacle” of the themselves. When a woman sits “like a man” with legs uncrossed she is either given dirty looks, in order to make her comply, or she is looked upon as “masculine” as if this is a bad thing. The norm, in American society, is for men to be in power and women to be subordinate. Even in these days of feminism and moving toward equality, these ideals still persist, under the surface. They rise up at times to push women back into their proverbial cubbyholes and, in essence, keep them in line with the norms. Two steps forward, one step back. This is the plight of feminism in the 21st century. I will continue this in my next post, on Ren Faires, so stay tuned. In the meantime, back to Rochester…

A place that the writer and I love to eat is on Park Avenue. Actually, there are two favourite places on Park. The first is Hogan’s Hideaway and the second, Magnolia’s. Hogan’s has the best Reubens and Crabcake sandwiches that we have had and the beer selection is sufficient. We enjoy hanging out in the bar area or sitting in the dining room as the atmosphere of both spaces is very relaxed.

Magnolias has the best paninis and pizzas in town and a great selection of craft beers to drink with lunch or to take home in six pack form. While living in Corn Hill, the writer and I made the effort to visit Magnolias many times. The service there is very homey and the food is fantastic. The seating is not the most comfortable, but the summer months bring one of the best patios in the city, well worth the trip.

If brunch is more your style, Jines is the place to be. Also on Park Avenue, this establishment has the BEST stuffed French toast you will find in the city. A few other diner locations, such as Gitsie’s, Jay’s, or Mark’s all serve awesome breakfasts, but for brunch I would definitely recommend Jine’s. Even if there is a wait to be seated, it is well worth it.

Leaving behind food and drink, let me tell you about a few entertainment venues that are not to be missed while visiting RaChaCha. If you are looking to see a great indie film, the Little Theatre on East Avenue, is the place to be. The Cinema, on South Clinton at South Goodman, offers low prices for second run movies and a great old theatre to view them in. This theatre was, and most likely still is, home to the R.I.T. Film studies program senior project screenings. The writer’s classmates had their senior screenings here and it was the perfect venue for these events.

The George Eastman House is a great tour to take while visiting and if you time it right, you can also partake in a screening of an old or indie film. Just wandering the house and gift shoppe are a great way to spend the afternoon. The second floor has a very interesting, although morbid, case that tells a bit of the George Eastman history that is not to be overlooked. Eccentric and fabulously wealthy, George Eastman was nothing if not ostentatious and this tour proves it.

As museums go, the Memorial Art Gallery has an excellent collection to view. Located on University Avenue, it is connected to the University of Rochester and houses several collections of fine and craft arts. For the kids, the Strong Museum of Play is a great place to spend an afternoon. Many interactive displays are present and will keep the kids and the adults busy.

If walking is what you enjoy, Rochester boasts several parks and recreational areas right in the city limits. A favourite, from my time living in the city, was Highland Park. Movies in the park are put on at the Highland Bowl in the summer months, as well as Shakespeare in the Park. The Lilac Festival is held here in mid-May each year and the lilacs themselves are a wonderful addition to any walk through the park. An afternoon in the park with a journal to write in, a good book to read, or an excellent cup of coffee can make any week more enjoyable.

For live theatre buffs, the best place in the city is the Geva Theatre. Celebrating the 40th season this year, the Geva has been putting on excellent regional theatre productions since 1972. If you are looking for a great performance, look no further than the Geva. For great live bands, the place to visit is the Bug Jar, on Monroe Avenue. This venue hosts dj nights as well and, if nothing else, it is worth a trip for a beer and a gander at the “bug fan”.

I hope that you enjoy your next visit to Rochester. Writing about it has made me want to pack up the car and get away. Maybe next weekend, see you there!

Peace and happy day tripping,
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

This past weekend was highly eventful for me. I participated in a project, that I will discuss in the future, that I hope will finally bring justice and closure to decades old issues in the city of Niagara Falls. It might not be the magic bullet, but it could certainly be the spark that ignites peoples curiosity and unites those that need to be united for the cause. This is cryptic, but I promise to tell everyone about it in more detail, later on. Right now, I want to discuss something that is near and dear to my heart. The Girl Scouts.

In discussing my childhood over the weekend, I realized that there was much turmoil, but there were also a few rays of light that guided me to become a wonderful human being. Girl Scouts was certainly one of those things. Being a troop member and working together with other girls to solve problems and complete badge tasks gave me a greater sense of who I could be in the future. It was a wonderful way to instill confidence and pride in myself through hard work and diligence. Girl Scouts taught me that if I worked hard I could do anything and that nothing in life is beyond reach, no matter what. Being a girl/woman would not, and never should, hold me back from doing anything.

On this 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts, I think it is fitting that we say THANK YOU to the woman who began it all – Juliette Gordon Low. A wonderful lady that saw a need and filled it. Creating the Girl Scouts of America was just the beginning of her fight for the rights of girls and women everywhere. She continued to be a champion for womens issues, and the Girl Scout organization has grown to mammoth proportions, serving not just America, but countries worldwide.

In the latest Girl Scout campaign, the ads talk about ways in which EVERYONE can give girls a chance so that we can make sure that we gain equality. This is a great campaign and hopefully it pushes forward the notion that girls/women really CAN do anything and there should be no obstacles in the path of greatness.

Today, I am wearing my Girl Scout pin, in solidarity with girls across the country and around the world. To show support for one of the best organizations in our country and a great legacy of work for girls. 2012 has been deemed the “year of the girl” by the Girl Scouts of America and we need to keep that up moving in to 2013, 2014, 2015, and beyond!

And for the haters out there, spewing the vile garbage about the Girl Scouts, you can take your rhetoric and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Conservative “christians” can often take a position that is silly in order to further their own agenda. Going after the Girl Scouts is not only humourous, but odd and base. We, as former Girl Scouts, must stand arm and arm with our fellow scouts and say “no!” to these attacks. Show, with confidence and courage, that the Girl Scouts are the best organization for girls in this country and that without this organization we would not have the small bit of equality that we have obtained so far.

So, let us celebrate the good that Girl Scouts have done for girls and women over the years and focus on the future. Equality is out there to be won, we just have to continue struggling toward it!

Peace and Happy Activism!
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

appropriate links:
Women, girls herald Scouting’s 100th anniversary
Juliette Gordon Low Birthplace site
On Monumental 100th Anniversary, Girl Scouts of the USA Commits to Building Girl Leadership in the Next Century

I never attempt to make resolutions. I feel they are a waste of time. Something to dwell on that usually disappoints in the end. Instead, I prefer to make goals. I suppose goals are resolutions cloaked in the costume of positivity, but they always seem more attainable. Resolutions have the pressure of one year, while goals have a forward motion. They can be completed within the new year or they can be ongoing, in perpetuity.

When I graduated from my first bachelors program at buffalo state, in 1997, I made my first, hand written, goal list. A five year plan. Before that, I had myriad lists dealing with everything from simple daily tasks to my ultimate goals. They were usually in my head and sometimes committed to a piece of paper in my journal. Always hand written and erasable, they were fluid. A business idea here and a song idea there. Ever changing and evolving. These lists were little reminders to keep breathing. To keep pushing forward. Without the little daily lists I may have just stayed in bed every morning and not bothered to try anything.

The first official, hand written, proper list had pieces of furniture on it. All the things I needed and wanted for my very first apartment. This sounds odd for me to consider as my first true goal list, but I really believe it was. It was written by my friend, over coffee, as we discussed the things we were going to bring from our homes and the things we would need to buy. It was three pages long and listed so many items that we would have never been able to fit everything into an apartment the size of which we could actually afford to pay the rent on, monthly.

I was reminded of this list while cleaning out boxes in my “office” on the weekend. I found it in a box with mementos from my longest running career and old wall hangings from my room in my parents house. It was stuffed in a folder next to pages of writing for an old ‘zine that I attempted to write and distribute on campus. Cackling from the depths of the box, it mocked me. Look at me! I am your first list! I am the one that got away! I am the reason you are still in Buffalo! I was your way out and you stuffed me in a folder to be stuffed in a box to be found 15 years later to create a lamenting! Why have you forsaken me so? If only you would have made it work. If only you would have packed up your room, bought a few items from me and moved in with your friend’ you might be further along now.

This is an interesting thing to think about. If you could go back in time and take a different path, would you? If you did, what would change? In the case of this list, I would have moved in with my friend, who was the reason I met my husband. So the writer would still be in the picture. I would have learned a earlier about feminism and sociology. I would have worked at a coffeehouse, instead of a bank. I would have most likely went back to school earlier and by now I would be at the end of my phd road, rather than the beginning. All these things could have been or it could have been the opposite. I could have not been able to afford rent and moved back in with my parents. Having been defeated, I would have probably still applied at teletech and worked there for two years, restarting the same history, but two years later, putting me two more years behind on that phd. So it could go either way. The best thing to do is to be thankful for what I have and move forward. Make a plan to become a sociology professor and go for it. Make it work anyway that I can. Scrimp and save, beg and borrow, and get to the end point.

So this brings me back to my goal list. For 2012 and beyond, here are the things I would like to accomplish, moving forward.

- get a new job
- start a masters program, leading to a phd
- move to north buffalo, temporarily, to save money

That is enough for now. This list should grow over the next few months and years to encompass my future. We shall see how it goes. Positivity is the key!

Peace,
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

Studying Sociology has become a double edged sword for me. Over the holiday season, my sense of gender roles and norms becomes heightened. Most of the time I have to keep my mouth shut and ‘go with the flow’, but sometimes I decide that I want to engage in a conversation that will hopefully lead to a better understanding for everyone concerned. This is how I know that I should probably be a professor, but that is for another post. This post is about how people can be one way in their day to day life and then the holidays come, we meet up with family and friends that we do not see daily and things go back to the way they previously were.

I am sure that everyone out there has a story about how the holidays bring out a different side of people. But, what if the side that it brings out is actually the regular, day to day, side and we only experience it at this time of year? When you rarely see an individual, you lose the feel for their personality. In some instances this can be good, but it is a shock to the system when you have to deal with each other for hours at a time. Thinking about this situation can bring up many things. Memories that have been washed of melancholy and are now shiny little examples of what we crave around the holidays. We forget the fighting and the strife and focus on the good. This may be good for the psyche, but in the long run it makes it more difficult to function year to year.

By letting the past stand as a beacon of what the holidays should be, we lose sight of what is real. We try to make everything perfect, to make it match up to our expectations of what can be based on what was. And in this, we fail to see the difficulty that falling back into our previous roles can cause. When gender roles are so tied up in the way that we function, in these situations, it makes things tense. In even the most enlightened family situations sometimes those gender norms sneak up and bite us.

When we interact with different divisions of our family, we may slide backwards when it comes to things we are willing to do to keep the peace. On a normal day, one might be a staunch feminist, but when faced with a holiday, feminism might be put on the back burner. This is a disservice to the holiday season! Better to make it a learning experience. After all, when are you going to get all these people together again? It really is a great platform for dispelling gender norms and for subverting the roles that we often fall into.

So, how do we do this? It may be difficult, but it has to be done. Sometimes there are gender norms already being subverted that you can point out as a starting place. In my family, my mother does the bulk of the planning, my parents go shopping together, my mom cooks the meal and my dad washes the dishes. Although there are still a few gender norms being practiced here, there are also a couple being subverted. 50 years ago (or yesterday, in some places) the mother in this scenario would have done everything listed above, while the dad merely poured drinks and sat in the living room enjoying family and friends. The ladies would have spent the majority of the time in the kitchen; cooking, cleaning and sometimes even eating, away from the family. Yes we have come a long way, but we cannot merely rest on our laurels. We need to continue talking, dispelling, subverting and fighting until there are no gender norms. On the day that we no longer hear the words “that is women’s work” or “this is a mans job” uttered we will finally be equal and free of the constraints that come with being cast in a mold of social and cultural making.

Until next time, good luck in your fight, fellow feminists! We can go further together than we ever could alone so keep it up!

Peace and happy subverting,

Chantale aka hippiegrrl